11.9 | 9.27 p.m.

I got a Netflix account today. I heard a really good lecture about racism today. I feel really confident about the urban sociology exam I took today.

None of those made my day.

I received a package from my Japanese host family for my birthday today. And that made my day. My host mom wrote a postcard in surprisingly good English, and one in Japanese that I could actually read all of. She sent a bookmark from Malaysia, where they spent a week recently, a wrapping cloth, pen and coasters from Kwansei Gakuin, the university I attended. She also sent a KwanGaku brochure to encourage families to host exchange students that had pictures of my host family together with me in it. Adorable. We’re like celebrities.

It just touched me that they still want to keep in contact with me. My host mom asked me to e-mail, so I’m excited to do that. Especially so I can attach some pictures from life here for them. When I saw the stamp from the post office by their house, I suddenly heard the gas station attendants yelling back and forth and smelled the Chinese food cooking at the takeout window of the small  stand that you pass on the way to the post office. That was a good semester.

I love and appreciate the presents, but I’m most happy that they still respond to letters and want to correspond more often.

11.8 | 9.14 p.m.

I vaccuumed my room today! That makes my day.

Adam is really afraid of the vaccuum cleaner. He won’t run away, but he scrunches up his face and whimpers. Which, is cute and funny.

It’s the first time I vaccuumed my room since moving in. So, yes, I am incredibly hygenic.

It takes a lot for me to do homework, finish things outside of school that don’t have immediate deadlines and then bypass watching a movie or playing guitar or whatnot to clean my room. I wrote the rough draft to my cover letter. Yes, it has taken forever, but I did it. I think it’s a pretty good start. Now, to edit and revise. Which is where the real writing is done. Because anyone can write a whole bunch of pretty words. But, making them coherent, and choosing what is superfluous is a real art. One that I have certainly not mastered.

Like this blog, which I do not edit before I post. I started it to have as a reference if a recruiter wanted to see my blog work. But, now it’s mostly just a conversation with my 30-some loyal readers, or few loyal readers and 20-some random clicks I get a day. A one-sided conversation. Which is the best kind. Like Twitter. This is the age of narcissism.

Anyway, my floor is clean if anyone would like to come lie on it.

11.7 | 5.06 p.m.

I had a good one for what made my day earlier, but now I’ve forgotten.

Now, I’ll just say that chilling in sweatpants, watching How Stella Got Her Groove Back and surfing the interwebz is making my day. I took a long nap earlier. It’s been a nice day.

I could find things more constructive to do, but I’d rather constructively care for my mental health. At least, that’s what I call it instead of procrastination.

11.5 | 11.21 p.m.

We met for the last China class tonight. Even though it’s been about a month, and I’ve certainly moved on, it was good closure.

We debriefed, talked about what worked, what didn’t, what we ate, where we went. I passed out the t-shirts Stephanie and I made. Here is the design:

Yes, be jealous.

I also helped interview some new candidates for Venture Out. I like the process because we have to work with the new people, so it’s nice to have input. I’m looking forward to the new hires because then we can have more trainings and I can finally get trained to do what I already know how to do on the Alpine Tower.

Beginnings and endings make my day. Especially today, since they were on the same day.

These cycles just remind me that my life keeps moving constantly. I can put off writing these internship cover letters forever, but life will continue on. Eventually I have to decide what to do with my summer. Eventually, eventually, eventually. All these decisions.

The point is, I am looking forward to the future. But, sometimes it’s nice to just sit around and talk about the past. To look at all the decisions you already made, and the experiences that came from them, and think, for awhile, that you’ve done a lot. Enough. It’s time to just live for awhile. Not the crazy kind of just living. The homework, job, hang with the godson and roomie, go to a party this weekend kind of just live.

11.4 | 10.34 p.m.

Yesterday I just had so much homework that I ignored you. I apologize. However, it made my day that I figured out how to use Bengal, which every student has for web hosting. It’s difficult to figure out. Really difficult. But, I did it! よくできました！

Speaking of things I get free from MU, I learned today that all students also get 12 free counseling sessions. That’s the cheapest counseling you’ll ever get in your life. That makes my day. That MU cares about my mental health.

Also, we get free training on Adobe software, and we get free software like VPN clients and SFTP. And we get use of the gym. And, really, we pay for all of it, but it seems free when you’re not paying for each thing individually.

And free things always make my day. Unless it’s a disease or poop in my face.

11.2 | 9.52 p.m.

While the videos of someone interviewing me are loading, I’ll talk to you all.

It’s awkward having to edit someone else’s interview of you. And then pick out good and bad techniques. Luckily, that means that I don’t have to include me answering, because I am an infinitely bad interviewee. I cannot form coherent answers. The longer someone lets me talk, the more redundant and less meaningful my sentences are. But, then again, the first time I try to answer a question is always the worst. Hence why I ask the questions. It’s self-defense.

Speaking of self-defense, the cross-cultural conflict resolution speaker in my psychology class made my day by introducing this new acronym into my life: D.I.E. Yes. The acronym to help you mediate cross-cultural conflict. I mean, really? Isn’t that what we’re trying to avoid when countries come to the table to speak through conflict?

But, maybe they made it on purpose. Perhaps it’s the comic relief.

11.1 | 10.28 p.m.

What would’ve made my day was the four hours of work I put in, but the Venture Out group cancelled today. Alas.

What will make my day in the future is reading all this NaNo writing from my loved ones. I’m impressed they’re all typing away on this first day. You all have my full support. I can’t wait to read whatever you write, be it crappy, washed up or the next Great American Novel. Ganbatte!!

What did make my day was all the sunshine! We had 10 inches of rain in October. Last year, we had 2. The year before that, 3. It rained almost every single day since I returned from China. My skin feels cleaner from the sun drying out the residual moisture. I think my mind was waterlogged lately.

Halloween was fun. Adam was cute. Erica and I achieved success with our Juno and Bleeker costumes. Pictures will come soon.

I’m tired tonight, even though we got an extra hour of sleep. It doesn’t really help that much when you just stay up an extra hour, though. I love you all. For real.

10.29 | 10.07 p.m.

I’ve been listening to a lot of music recently. For awhile there, I’d hardly listened to anything outside of my car.

Lately, I’ve been digging Tegan & Sara pretty hard, but I’ve also put Tim Fite and Dustin Kensrue back into my heart. And then a lesser known band called Passenger.

It doesn’t really matter what I’m listening to. Just the fact that I make time to appreciate some music in the forefront of my consciousness makes my day. I can do background music, but intentional listening fills me up so much.

Erica and I were watching Elf tonight and Zooey Deschanel’s character tells Will Farrel’s character that she doesn’t sing in public. Only in private. And then he starts singing loudly and terribly in public to show her that it’s the same.

I then explained to Erica, as is our habit whenever any random thought comes to mind, that I hate that: when people can sing well, but won’t anywhere near where an ant passing by might hear. I, on the other hand, love to sing, and people hope I don’t. Or, when you sing out loud, other people will sing along, but softer. They don’t belt it, or they try and sound really good, even though you are obviously just on this side of yelling the words.

The point is, I love music so much because it always makes me want to sing. Or dance. Or, like with Tegan & Sara recently, play it- be a part of it. And when I say music, I mean the music I love. I will not claim to like everything, though I believe I have a certain ecelecticism to my taste. But, the music I like, I love.

So, I guess dancing in my room getting dressed, letting my wet hair freeze because the dark lingers longer these mornings, singing to my iPod makes my day.

10.28 | 9.30 p.m.

Glee was not on tonight, so that did not make my day. Fail.

However, I did get started on my internship applications, which is a good trade-off. I suppose. Not really.

Daphne sent me a birthday card from Japan. That made my day. So much. Gosh, so much.

It was in Japanese, which is great, because I need all the practice I can get. She’s so sweet. And I know she’s reading this, but I really mean it. It would be easy to let our ties go since I remember what it’s like living in Japan. You struggle everyday with a foreign language, you have adventures, you get frustrated at Japanese people, you love your host family. I almost forgot my own birthday and I was only in China for two weeks.

Not only is Daphne incredibly thoughtful and a really good friend- especially for only knowing each other for four months and being so great- I also admire that she’s unabashed about trying our her Japanese all the time. I’m probably a lot better at Japanese than Japanese people would think because I’m shy and second-guess myself and then dumb down everything I say.

But, Daphne’s so good at just going for it. And that makes her better at Japanese. Where I pull into myself most, she puts herself out most: with friends. I hate speaking Japanese in front of friends. But, she doesn’t let insecurities stop her. And I admire that.

We had a Japanese guest 先生 (sensei) in class today because my usual 先生 e-mailed in sick. She showed us some 生け花 (ikebana=flower arrangement) and spoke in Japanese. At first, I let myself fall into my old habit of just tuning out because I couldn’t understand. But, then I remembered that I could understand for the most part. And I think I followed for the most part. However, my speaking/listening skills are slowly digressing to pre-Japan levels.

The point is, I love Daphne. She made my day and we’re going to Cancun for Spring Break.

10.27 | 10.42 p.m.

I am now 22. Adam is nearly 2.

Lately, I’ve been saddeningly aware of my brokenness. I’m not down, I just see the places I’m struggling clearly right now.

Adam, wrapped up in a yellow blanket with his arms sticking out, like he was the peanut inside a shell, curled up by my side on the couch today. The whining, crying, tantrums and constantly appearing teeth indicate the onset of the Terrible Twos.

His grin, though. It’s there, big and beautiful as ever. He has the biggest eyes.

But, mostly, he’s a baby, doing what babies do. I watch him eat dinner, trying to figure out the fork and pouring the mac’n'cheese on the floor, learning our cultural conventions that have no meaning for babies.

Will he be broken like me when he’s 11 times the age he is now? Will I ever again be as pure of heart as he is now?

I hardly feel my age. Twenty-two sounds so much older than 21. More mature, more responsible, in control of one’s destiny. I haven’t even scheduled for this semester even though my appointment started today.

Luckily, I still have tomorrows. To act my age. To be someone Adam will want to be when he’s 22.

Sometimes, what makes my day also punches me in the gut.